Dear Single

I wrote a blog post last year on being single and how to embrace it. It was one of my highest viewed post of the year. I don’t know if that means there are a lot of you singles out there following along or if inquiring minds just want to know! 😊 Regardless, due to the overwhelming interest in that post, I’ve decided to share a little more on the topic this year in light of Valentine’s Day approaching.

If you missed last year’s post, take a minute to go read that first- “Party of One” !

I know many of you are in different seasons of your singleness. As I have mentioned before, I have been in a long season of being single, some times by choice and some times sheer life has put me there. I’m 35 and still on the journey. Whatever season you find yourself in, I want to encourage you right where you are today.

I recently have seen several people post on social media about their struggle with singleness. As I’m reading their heartfelt words I can feel the hurt, the loneliness, the pain and I can relate to moments when I felt similar. Words like lonely, alone, sad, difficult have been used to describe how they feel about it. That’s when I knew I needed to share more about what singleness has looked like for me over the years. God has changed me and grown my heart so much through my journey through singleness.

I’ve always kept this part of my life very private but I would be remorse if I didn’t share with you in hopes to encourage one of you.

Yes, being single can be difficult, but you know what else can be difficult? Being in a relationship. Everything in life takes a little bit of work to make it great. So rest assured that if you’re single, you are there for a reason. Being single looks different for everyone. I’ve experienced it in my 20’s and now well into my 30’s. I have no idea what my 40’s will look like but regardless I’ve learned a thing or two through it all. There are things I did right and so many things I would have done differently with my time over the years. There is beauty in singleness if you look for it. Today I’m breaking it done by sharing what I hope you need to hear and show you that you are not alone, no matter you’re age, or where you find yourself on this journey.

Dear Single 20-Something,

I know it feels like you need to have a plan for your life and be on your way to have the perfectly curated picture of what everyone tells you your life should look like. You see everyone else with their seemingly perfect relationship. They are making plans for the future, going after their dream jobs, and saving for a family and that white picket fence. You feel like somehow you just don’t fit in because you haven’t found the ONE yet. It’s okay to feel that way, but remember that this is the time in your life to savor. These years are formative and precious. Use them to learn about yourself, discover who you are and what you really want out of life. Travel, explore, do all the things you desire to experience because one day down the road you may not have the time to do it like you do right now. Build relationships. The kind of deep rooted relationships that are going to go the extra mile and last a lifetime.

When I was in my 20’s I wasted a lot of time just waiting, waiting for the right thing, the next thing and I missed out on doing so many great things. Don’t miss out! These years are suppose to be fun! They are suppose to grow you. And if you do them right, you will learn so much more about who you really are and what kind of person you want as a partner for life. I know you are going to feel like you don’t want to do “all the things” by yourself, but I promise you if you push through that you will be so thankful you used this time to go after the things you want to accomplish.

If you see the value in these years, you will be so much more prepared for that right person in your life when they do come along. I often tell people, that if I chose a spouse when I was in my 20’s I would have chose poorly. Why?? Because what I know now about myself, and who I truly am and the kind of person that’s going to work well with me, is nothing like what I thought it would have been in my 20’s.

So sit back, relax, and stop worrying about the fact that your life may not look like what everyone else’s looks like. You are exactly where you need to be! Let these years grow you in the best way possible!

Dear Single 30-Something,

Sweet 30-Something, you are probably feeling like you got forgotten, or that some thing must be wrong with you that you can’t seem to find your match in life. You probably feel a little bit exhausted, tired of forcing yourself to endure one more bad date, and realizing that dating at your age is so, so different from what it looked like when you were 25. You’re tired of people asking you about your relationship status and all the questions that come with it like, “So, why are you still single?”. Maybe you have given up hope altogether, stopped putting yourself and your heart on the line because it’s just too hard to go through one more bad heartbreak. I know, I’ve been there. It feels defeating and far too risky to keep trying, right?!

But guess what?! You haven’t been forgotten! You are exactly where you are suppose to be! You must start believing that! Maybe God is still pruning that future spouse of yours or maybe He still has some work to do in you before you’re ready. I know it doesn’t feel that way. I know you’re thinking, “I’ve been ready for years, what is He waiting for?”. Hold on, your time is coming!

Want to know a secret??

For the past couple of years, I’ve felt God saying to me, “April, I want you to accomplish ______ before I’m going to bring your husband into your life.” Now, if that doesn’t motivate you!!

So, maybe there is something you are suppose to learn or accomplish during this time in your life before you are ready for that person to be added into the mix.

Being single in your 30’s pushes you to enjoy life all by yourself. You will learn to enjoy things without having to have someone to be a part of it. It will teach you to appreciate life just as it is. Every event you attend without a plus one will make you stronger. Every blind date you show up to will make you more confident than the last one. Every trip you take alone will make you more adventurous. Every time you decide to take a chance on yourself will make you braver to keep going whether you have to go this life alone or not.

Dear Single 40-50–Something,

You are probably here wondering how you got here. You’re still scratching your head. You hadn’t planned on this to be a part of your story. You are probably here because you’ve likely been through a lot. This single life thing might even be all new for you. Maybe you have gone through a divorce or lost your spouse to a death, whatever the case may be it’s probably a little scary and a little unfamiliar to you.

You are wondering how to move forward and how to do this life thing all on your own at this age. The idea of dating sounds daunting. I promise you, you are in this season for a reason but you are going to have to see it in a different light. This time of your life can be a gift if you let it be!

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you just got a second chance on life!

You know that thing you always wanted to do when you were younger but for so many reasons you never accomplished it. Go do that thing! Stop waiting for tomorrow. Now is the time!

You know all those years you were just going through the motions, living life small? Or maybe you were raising babies, or striving to do everything you could to be the person that your spouse wanted? Some where along the way you may have lost yourself. It’s okay. If that’s you, now’s the time to find YOU again.

Try new things! Do the things that bring you joy. Invest in others. Do the thing you’ve always wanted to do. Rekindle relationships. Spend time getting used to being alone. Take yourself on a date. Did you hear me? Take YOURSELF on a date.

If you use this time to focus on those things and healing your heart and less focus on jumping into a relationship, the right person will come into your life when you least expect it. I know you’ve heard it said before, but it’s true.

You are doing great! Keep going!

I don’t know where you are today. I don’t know your story or your hurt or your struggles. I know how difficult it can be to go this life alone but I also know the beauty within it if you look for it. I didn’t learn those tricks over night. It’s been years of God pruning my heart and doing work in me. So, if you are over there shaking your head yes to anything I’m saying and you just need someone to say, “hey I get it”, drop me quick note below. Let me encourage you right where you are.

Or…if you are over there saying “I love my single life” comment below. I’d love to hear what you love about it and what you have learned through your journey!